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The Blog I’m usually too frustrated to write

There’s a lot of in-between post frustrations that are missed, as I’m usually too frustrated or exhausted to write about them in the moment. And, being committed to a positive outlook, it feels in direct conflict with writing when filled with negative frustration. 

However, I realize that’s not a very accurate portrayal of navigating cancer treatment. I’ve heard from people across the country – and even around the world – who are going through cancer treatment and finding some kind of comfort or inspiration from my posts. So, last night I wrote a quick post – while frustrated – from the urgent care room.

Last Night: 

The amount of complications I’ve had between chemo rounds, and now between surgeries, is ridiculous. My body just doesn’t have the usual strength and internal weapons to fight infections, and if there’s an infection to be had, I’ll get it. 

Almost always occurring over the weekend, I’ve been to urgent care (during a pandemic and while immune compromised) more in the last 5 months than I have my entire life before cancer combined. It’s exhausting, scary and just plain frustrating. 

This time it’s an infection at the lymph node incision from previous surgery. Early Saturday I started feeling horrible like the flu and my fever shot up out requiring urgent care visit. My vitals revealed serious infection with Blood Pressure very low at 90/55, which make finding a vein to start an IV very difficult. It took 90 mins of 4 people digging horribly painfully in 11 different veins and a lot of my tears to finally get an IV in me. Then, they sent a fifth person in to get yet another vein for blood chemistry that couldn’t come from IV. 30 more minutes of painful poking till they got blood. ARG!

Lab results revealed serious infection getting close to sepsis so IV antibiotics were administered. After several hours I was finally released to go home with instruction to go straight to ER if fever gets worse, blood pressure gets lower or I start feeling worse.

I just wanted one weekend feeling half way human to have fun with the kids before the next surgery! It’s hard not to feel like I’m living in some kind of horrible version of the “Truman Show” staring Beven, the cancer patient. “See how much stress, pain and fear one woman can tolerate as we push her limits… and then keep pushing… will she break? Tune in tomorrow to find out!” 

Armed with a blood pressure monitor, thermometer, pulse oxygen monitor, the vital sign rollercoaster continued all weekend, and here I am back in urgent care on Monday night. This time I’m finally feeling much better with doubled antibiotic treatment, but they still made me come in to check my vitals and put eyes on me. So, I am risking Covid exposure and find myself surrounded by sick people, yet again. It’s such an exhausting ride. I’m so ready to be through this nightmare!!!

Today: 

What a difference antibiotics and a good nights sleep can have. Today is a 180 from the weekend. And I think that’s an important part of this story. This cancer treatment ride is bumpy, it hurts, it’s dirty and ugly. But it’s worth it! 

It’s spring break. My makeup is done. Funny face on. Covid test taken. The sun is shining. My heart is pumping. And my phone made this fun little video for me this morning. 💗”Together”💗

I’m ready for another day and I’m determined to make this a good one. 

Thank you for reading. More to come soon… probably after some recovery time from surgery, which is scheduled for this Thursday. 💕

breast cancer cancer vexation