Seasons Change

Walking the neighborhood with the girls during Bridges’ mandatory screen-free time brings me gems of insight each day. And as the changing colors, sounds and scenery of Autumn push Summer to the past, I mourn. Yet still, I am grateful for the joy Autumn brings.

I’m reminded of this song from Girl Scouts when I was very young. (Brownies to be more accurate, my Girl Scout career needed to early to make yo bluebirds or beyond. 😂)

Make new friends
But keep the old
One is silver
And the other gold

The seasons seems to be changing right before my eyes as we walk the neighborhood. Autumn is setting in at every turn. Beneath my feet I feel the crunching golden furled-tip maple leaves that resemble grandma’s hands. I hear the chorus of geese above flying south for warmer fields. I see branches exposed by the departure of their leaves, like long reaching arms they cast silhouettes against the stark blue backdrop.

Strolling past familiar yards, I mourn the vibrant and varied colors of the Summer blossoms. Gnarled and graying stalks have now taken their their place. I mourn the swirling songs of perching birds and flashes of moving color from the butterflies’ dance. Their time has come to and end, for now. And yet, I still revel in the crisp cool autumn air. I marvel at the candy-corn colors of the leaves still trembling on their barren branch.

As I walk, I reflect about the changes my body is going through, as if I’m in sync with nature. My skin is drying. My hair is shedding. My appetite is waning. My color is fading. My energy is draining. All expected side effects of chemotherapy, of which I’m now on day 9.

It occurs to me that I should look at this new journey of mine as a season. I can mourn my hair, my skin, my appetite, and my energy. However, I can also revel in the medical science happening inside me. I can marvel at the magically regenerative properties of my body. I can bask in the outpouring of Love and support from my community. I can embrace my changing state… knowing this too shall pass. 

Like the colors and sounds of summer, these parts of me will return. This is my season of change, not my ending. I may feel weak and weary, for now, but my sun will shine again. Like the Phoenix that is reborn, I too shall return. Stronger, brighter, more determined than ever to enjoy every second of every season.

Thanks for joining me on this journey. Life is always better when it’s shared with family and friends. 💗 More to come soon… 

10 Replies to “CHEMO DAY 9”

  1. Susie Bobenrieth says:

    Hi Beven, know that we’re thinking of you and sending you a big hug. I like the visual of Fawkes from Harry Potter, too. Love you.

  2. Trish says:

    You are beautiful, you are strong , trees lose their leaves but wait for better days…. and bloom even brighter

  3. Nancy Hiser says:

    Yes, to the seasons! And, while winter from this perspective seems dreary and long, it’s really just a few months until we see the trees begin pushing buds and new leaves out and crocus and daphne heralding the re-awakening. We will all hibernate some and your hibernation will be transformative. I heard years ago that the hair loss and nausea that come with chemo are explained by the fact that both hair cells and stomach lining are composed of fast growing cells so they become “innocent” casualties along with the cancer cells. So, each strand of hair lost may represent a myriad of cancer cells being zapped ! Gentle hugs, Nancy

  4. Brandi Alexander says:

    Love these words and love you!

  5. Karen says:

    Beatifully written….like you. <3

  6. Jennifer Rollins says:

    I will hereafter refer to you as Fawkes — you are as cherished, timeless and vital as he.

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