Hello from the chemo cafe
I’m writing from the chemo cafe where I’m plugged in and receiving Round 2 infusion through my nearly healed chest port. I can feel the coldness of the medicine as it passes through the tubing under my skin and into my heart. It’s an unfamiliar sensation, a little creepy even, but not painful at all.
Yesterday (Day 14) was rough. I was extra fatigued and the bone pain was intense, especially in my shoulder joints and scapula. And by late afternoon that heavy weighted feeling was back. By dinner time I had to visit urgent care to treat an infection and start antibiotics. And on top of it all, my hair officially started falling out.
I was surprised by my emotional reaction to the hair loss. I’ve anticipated, planned and prepared for this. Yet I cried and cried. I think it hit me that it’s time to give up that little bit of hope I was holding on to. That perhaps, I would be one of the lucky few that didn’t experience hair loss. No such luck.
In reflecting on my emotional response, I realized that without my hair, I would soon look like what most of us think of when we visualize a “cancer patient”. I don’t want to be sick. I don’t want to feel sick. And I don’t want to look sick. And yet, here I am.
So, I did what I do. I leaned in to the fight – not the fright – and asked Dylan to cut it all off today with a #4 on the clippers.
I’m not thrilled, but I have no regrets. I know it will help me with the transition. It is what it is (my 2020 motto). In the meantime, get ready to see some fun wig and hat looks coming soon. Thankfully the cold weather is on my side, it’s hat season! You know me…If I’m going to do this, I’m going to do it all the way – in style!
Thank you for staying with me on this journey. More to come soon. 💕