Chemo Day 5

Stopping Through the Woods on a Sunny Afternoon 

Day 5 has come and nearly gone. This afternoon I enjoyed a brief walk through the neighborhood with the girls. Soaking up the autumn sun before the rains set in. Walking stirred something and without warning the bone pain started creeping through my body.  A reminder to lay low and give my body the rest it needs to properly heal.

Dylan continues to be my rock. Managing our home, our kids, our finances, even my meds. And without fail he brings me joy when I am sad, he is strong when I am weak, he puts his heart into every meal and holds a sacred space for me to heal. I am blessed. 

This evening I feel as if I have the flu. Fatigue, aches and, after a respite yesterday, that heavy gravitational pull is back. Stronger than that pull, is an intensely overwhelming sense of gratitude for the amazing people in my life. I am so blessed to be supported by a community of wise, resourceful and Loving people who give me strength and remind me of my grit and determination. A community of people who believe in me when I’m not able to see my own potential. I am blessed indeed.

Facing cancer has provided me with a unique opportunity to self-reflect on the moments and people that have made an impact on my life. Today a dear friend of mine reminded me that “destiny can be defined as an inevitable conclusion”, and that my “journey isn’t done”. That I have “miles to go before I’m through”, harkening to Robert Frost’s poem Stopping Through the Woods on a Snowy Evening

Stopping Through the Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Having always loved this poem, I reread it several times today. The magic of poetry once again astounds me. It’s what I truly love about poetry. Good poetry, like Frost’s, not only stands the test of time, it resonates with the reader at a core level. When reading it back years later, it resonates deeply again, now for completely different reasons. The words connect to events in the readers life and become magically autobiographical…again. 

So I thought it might be fun to attempt a rewrite of Frost’s poem from my current perspective. And do that again in 5 years to compare and contrast. So here it goes… 

Stopping through the Woods on a Weary Evening

Whose woods these are I do not know.
There is darkness is in this village though, 
You will not see me stopping here,
To feel the fear that has been sowed. 

My inner voice does think it queer,
To stop without an ending near,
Between the fight and fear a break,
The brightest hope of the year.

I give my weary head a shake,
As if there’s been a big mistake,
The only other sound’s the creep,
Of memories left yet to make. 

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

So many miles to go… 

Thanks for joining me on this journey friends. More to come soon.

6 Replies to “Chemo Day 5”

  1. Nancy says:

    Beven, I was heartened by your walk in the sun, by Dylan’s support, the beauty of the Frost and Byrne poems, and your feeling the strength people are sending. Such precious and perfect moments in the midst of a journey none of us would have imagined. Your writing is a gift to all of us.

  2. Barbara Coombs Lee says:

    What a shock, Beven!

    Grit and determination, indeed. Those qualities are embedded in your soul’s code. They, plus the abundant love that surrounds you, will carry you safely to the other side of this journey. Believe this.

  3. Sue Porter says:

    Beven – What is going on? Do you have cancer? How have I missed this and how can I help you? Are you still working? Can we talk?
    ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ – Sue Porter

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