Well folks, I know it’s been a long time since I wrote a post and I appreciate your patience. I’ve been in hibernation. I’ve made it through four weeks of radiation and three weeks of post radiation healing and I’m doing much better now. It’s been a wild ride, especially with the worst of my blistered, burned and cracking skin happening right in the middle of Portland’s epic heatwave.
As with each leg of this journey, it’s been difficult and strangely rewarding to get on the other side of yet another hump. This hump was bumpy with complications, not unlike the rest of them. Two weeks into my radiation treatment I took a fall and injured my foot pretty badly. That was no fun to be laid up with a hurt foot in addition to painfully radiated skin. However, given the back up on medical appointments due to Covid restrictions loosening up and people getting in to the doctor finally, it took them five weeks to see me after the injury to determine if it was bone or ligament related. Last week I finally got in and now they’ve determined it’s ligament related and I will likely need surgery sometime in the next few months. Oy vey… Oy vey!
Over the last 10 months of battling cancer I’ve made quite a transformation. I feel quite a bit like a Luna Moth fresh from it’s cocoon. Wings spread wide as I drift on a moonlit breeze. You will probably notice it when you see me next. I not only look different, but most people say I sound and feel different too. This has to do with deep hibernation, total deconstruction, followed by reconstruction and reinvention of myself. This has included a lot of soul-searching, a lot of looking to the past to see what has gone well and what I might’ve done differently. It also has meant a lot of looking forward in order to determine what type of life I want to live post cancer treatment.
The one thing I can tell you is the life I live post cancer will make space and time for family, myself, Love and healing. Those will be my priorities going forward – hopefully for the rest of my long life.
As I lean into a new life with more space and Love it comes with a deep need to be authentic. Perhaps you will notice that as well when I finally get to see your smiling faces again. There are no masks, there are no costumes, what you see is what you get. The old play is over and it’s time for the next act of life to begin. Turns out this life is quite worth fighting for.
Good vibes only.
I’m making a conscious choice each day to walk through the world at a higher vibration, to stress less, and to care more about the things that actually matter…like time with Loved ones, tome to heal, time to prioritize health, time to create, and time to help others in need. This means I will be choosing to encounter people, places, and situations only if they maintain good vibes. Good Vibes Only! That is my new motto. I hope you’ll join me.
I have a few more weeks to recover from radiation, and I will be meeting with my oncologist in early August to determine exactly what my next steps are. It certainly will involve ovary suppression and anti-hormone therapy and hopefully will not include more chemotherapy. And, while there will likely be a surgery on my foot in the next few months, I know there will be extended periods of feeling good in my future. I’ll cherish every moment.
As the summer months continue I will be transitioning back to another school year – my 10th at Bridges – and the twins will transition to kindergarten. It’s going to be an autumn filled with bittersweet emotions, change and growth. I don’t know exactly what that looks like yet, and I’m OK with that. One thing fighting cancer has taught me is that the best choice is to live in the moment. Not in the past – you can’t change that. Not in the future – it’s never promised. The only thing we really have is this very moment. If it’s a good one milk it for all it’s worth. If it’s a painful or exhausting one, take a deep breath and know it’s almost over. Living in the present, hour to hour, minute to minute, has gotten me through ten of the longest hardest months of my life. And it’s gotten me through with a smile, both on my face and in my soul. I’m happier than I have ever been, I feel more surrounded with support and Love than ever, and I certainly feel more grateful to be alive than ever before.
Thank you all for the continued Love, support and words of encouragement even in the absence of hearing from me. Taking a break from technology, from social media, and even from writing this blog has been an important piece of my recovery and my hibernation. In doing so I have been successful in digging deep inside to determine exactly where my priorities are and exactly where my energy should be focused. Now it’s up to me to manifest that reality.
Thank you so much for joining me on this journey, I know I’m not alone. I couldn’t do it without you. Much more to come soon, for now I’ll be outside playing with the Dylan and twins! 💗